Where are all the grown ups going?
Darcy is having a rough week. Three people she cares about are moving away this week. First of all, our pastor who she really loves is leaving today. A young couple we've been driving to church each week are also leaving today. One of our next-door neighbours is moving on Friday. On top of all that, Nick is in Ottawa this week.
Darcy and I were at home last night when a friend called me to ask me to go over to her house for tea after Darcy went to bed, not knowing Nick is out of town. I explained that I couldn't go, because I needed to stay home with Darcy. I'm not sure if she overheard that conversation or not but shortly afterwards, she had a complete meltdown! She kept asking where all the grown ups were and why was I going to leave her alone without any grown ups? I kept assuring her that I wasn't going anywhere, but she kept crying and crying and repeating her questions. My heart was breaking.
Every night before she goes to bed we say a little prayer. We ask God to bless all our family and friends and then add in anything that might be specific to the day. For example, last night we asked God to watch over Nick in Ottawa. I said, "Amen" and then she added, "And please don't let Mommy go anywhere." I nearly lost it and I'm practically in tears as I'm typing it now. The first thing she said when I walked in her room this morning was, "Mommy, you didn't go anywhere!"
So this is clearly something we need to pay attention to. She needs some reassurance that she's not being completely abandoned. Nick's return tomorrow should help with that, along with a visit from my parents this weekend. The new pastors who are coming have two young sons (4 & 2) for her to play with, so that will soften that blow, but they're not coming for a few weeks yet.
Any tips on how to reassure her that not everyone is going away?
Darcy and I were at home last night when a friend called me to ask me to go over to her house for tea after Darcy went to bed, not knowing Nick is out of town. I explained that I couldn't go, because I needed to stay home with Darcy. I'm not sure if she overheard that conversation or not but shortly afterwards, she had a complete meltdown! She kept asking where all the grown ups were and why was I going to leave her alone without any grown ups? I kept assuring her that I wasn't going anywhere, but she kept crying and crying and repeating her questions. My heart was breaking.
Every night before she goes to bed we say a little prayer. We ask God to bless all our family and friends and then add in anything that might be specific to the day. For example, last night we asked God to watch over Nick in Ottawa. I said, "Amen" and then she added, "And please don't let Mommy go anywhere." I nearly lost it and I'm practically in tears as I'm typing it now. The first thing she said when I walked in her room this morning was, "Mommy, you didn't go anywhere!"
So this is clearly something we need to pay attention to. She needs some reassurance that she's not being completely abandoned. Nick's return tomorrow should help with that, along with a visit from my parents this weekend. The new pastors who are coming have two young sons (4 & 2) for her to play with, so that will soften that blow, but they're not coming for a few weeks yet.
Any tips on how to reassure her that not everyone is going away?
posted by Sue Matthews at 9:50 AM
2 Comments:
I don't know if it's common to all young kids, or just ones with nervous 'Haskell' in them, but Laura doesn't like it much without grown ups around either.
She hasn't quite had to deal with what Darcy has been through, but she likes knowing who's looking after her when things are going on.
She (at 4 yrs even) has screamed, thinking I was gone, when I've been outside for 30 seconds, taking out garbage or recycling. She always wants the outside door left open. I think I needed to be reassured until almost teen-age!
I don't have specific tips, other then reassuring her that there will always be a grown up around to look after her.
Poor Darcy! And poor you, seeing your child so upset. I don't have any useful advice today, but I'm sure separation anxiety is a stage all children go through, whether it's as a toddler or baby or school-age.
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